It's Freakin' Cold Out Tonight! ... but I'm So Warm And Toasty!!!

It's Freakin' Cold Out Tonight!

Life in the freezer continues ... it's still unseasonably, and unreasonably, cold outside here in Colorado! The weatherman is promising a little snow tomorrow which should bring warmer temperatures. Believe it or not, it can be too cold to snow! Mid 20s is best for snow. So bring on the snow! Back home in Tahoe they're getting some of the white stuff and enjoying midday highs in the 30's ... sounds almost tropical compared to here. Not much has changed really since my last weather report (or weather-bitch-session) posted last week ... it's been cold outside and inside! The furnace died ... RIP ...

This morning I was awakened from my dreams of sugarplums that were dancing through my head by pounding on the front door ... guess they couldn't find the doorbell ... maybe it wasn't working ... maybe it froze its tush off too ... both the button outside and the bells inside ... Anyway, I was now awake and hanging out the window from the second story yelling to the herd of shivering guys at the door, to wait! That I'd be right down! Right down as soon as I pulled another pair of sweatpants over the ones I wore to bed, the ones I pulled way down over my heaviest pair of socks ... even though I was hiding under the big fluffy down comforter ... and got on my boots and vest, and found my fleece beanie ... yeah, I wore it to bed too, but it must have got cold and crawled under the pillow in the middle of the night 'cause I had to search all over to find it.

Dressed ... but really wanting to find a big mug of hot coffee to stick my tootsies in and crawl back under the down comforter ... I opened the door to find three shivering guys in matching dark blue coveralls that claimed to have a furnace in the back of their truck. "That's nice" I said ... "what address are you looking for? We could really use one of those things. In fact, we have a furnace on order, its suppose to be delivered and installed tomorrow. Any chance you guys would install that furnace here?"

The guys looked at the clipboard, looked at each other, looked at me, and then they said "you betcha! just as soon as you let us come in and warm up!" Yippie! Not one to look a gifthorse in the mouth, especially a hot one, I didn't care whose furnace it was supposed to be, we'd take it!

I showed the guys inside the igloo. Paraded them down the stairs. Then through the basement, and finally all the way to the all-the-way-in-the-back backroom where furnaces go to die. All three of the guys in the matching dark blue coveralls crowded around our dearly departed heat source, and collectively agreed ... it was DEAD! Sheesh! we knew that. We weren't freezing our arses off the past week just for fun, ya know!!!

The guys in the matching dark blue coveralls set to work. First they disemboweled the dead furnace. I am not quite sure just what was going on down there in the all-the-way-in-the-back backroom ... I'd gone back upstairs in search of that previously mentioned coffee ... but wafting up the stairs, and through the vents, I could hear all kinds of hammering and banging and sawing, drills and other implements of destruction running, and what I hoped was the screams and screeches and other sounds of sheet metal being ripped in half. It made fingernails on the chalkboard sound like a lullabye ... yep, all that plus every now then a whole lot of swearing ... I'm pretty sure that was the three guys in the matching dark blue coveralls, but for all I know, it might very well have been from the ghost of the furnace passed.

As I sat in the kitchen warming my exposed skin on my coffee mug, pieces of dead furnace started flying up the stairs from the basement. Then someone yelled out "we're going to need another duck!" Oh my ... this exorcism was getting messy, I couldn't believe it was going to take more than one poor waterfowl to rid the demons that killed our furnace. Just as I was preparing to flee, one of the guys in the matching dark blue coveralls, I think he was the chief furnace witchdoctor 'cause he was the one with the clipboard, came upstairs to the kitchen, and much to my relief, informed me that there wasn't enough combustible air coming in from outside for the new high-efficiency furnace and they would have to install another "duct".

Finally the last pieces and parts of the old dead furnace left the basement, and then new pieces and parts of furnace began making the journey down the stairs and all the way back to the all-the-way-in-the-back backroom where hopefully the new furnace, with it's new additional outside air duct, would live and work in peaceful contentment. Installing the new furnace was anything but peaceful. Again, wafting up the stairs and through the vents, I could hear all kinds of hammering and banging and sawing, drills and other implements of, hopefully this time, construction running. And the screams and screeches and other sounds of sheet metal being ripped in half were much more muted this time ... as was the cussing and swearing.

Three hours after I had to abandon my snug cocoon under the big fluffy down comforter to brave the arctic like indoor temperatures and answer the door ... it was all over. The dead furnace laid disemboweled in the back of the three guys' (the ones in the matching dark blue coveralls) truck, awaiting its final departure. And the new furnace (it better have been ours 'cause we ain't giving it back!) was installed. Installed today not tomorrow. The new furnace was attached to, and breathing easily and happily through, the new additional outside combustible air duct (plus the old air duct!), and the new high-efficiency furnace was pumping quickly warming air throughout the house!

... and now I'm So Warm And Toasty!!!

[no ducks were harmed in the making of this blog]